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November 02, 2007

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I have an adopted daughter, and from the beginning, offered to take her to find her biological mother in another country. She would say, she had no interest in that and that I was her mother. She did, and does, have interest in a brother and sister who were adopted and are in yet a third different country. She holds on to a tiny framed photo of them that I gave her. But, somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she has no interest in the parents who abandoned her. Too painful to examine, I suspect. I, on the other hand, devour information on my large, and already discovered and documented, geneological background. Knowing about "my people" helps me understand our family and who we are. And, like alot of families, our family has it "colorful characters", as my grandmother used to say. Regarding sperm donors...that's a tough one. They make it possible for women to conceive who might not do so otherwise. Are they any different from a one night stand with a random person met in a bar? I think so. They are donating, knowing what the outcome will hopefully be. Also, they do it for money. Not to spread their seed, so to speak. They usually have them fill out extensive medical background information for the recipients. I worked with a 37 year old girl who had no boyfriend and wanted to have a child and did a donor. She felt like it was safer. But then you have the situation where you need a bone marrow donor. Maybe that should be asked before men donate. I am in favor of open adoption records. To be available to adoptees after the age of 25. Babies out of wedlock, are not such an issue as they were 50 years ago. The times they are a changin'.

Informative and thoughtful, Ms. Pie. Gave me lots of room for thought. And changing of mind.

I think there is a vacuum for children who don't know either or both of their parents that leaves them with an empty spot in their gut no one can fill -- a feeling that surfaces throughout their life from time to time.

Why do we have children? To selfishly satisfy our own wants and needs? I'm not so sure sperm donors are taking such a noble action as many might like to believe they are.

I think my husband knows how to do about 7 things on that list, but the things that aren't on that list matter much, much more.

In this country, sperm donors donate their sperm for free. The whole thing is quite regulated. Only men who have a family can donate, as a gift from a family to another family, thus enabling a childless family to have a child. Their identity remain a secret.
If it wasn't a secret, I doubt that those men would agree to donate sperm any more.
It's money that makes everything wrong.

My two granddaughters have the same sperm donor and therefore are full siblings. According to the rules of the sperm bank my daughter used, at age 18 the eldest daughter will be able to contact the donor, who can establish a relationship with her and her sister if he wishes to.
As well, recipients have set up a web site that makes it possible for mothers who have used the same donor to contact each other. My granddaughters have at least four half siblings living all over the Western U.S. They may plan a get-together some time.

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