Some proclivities can't be parented away and it is hard to change our spouses. What we are, at our core, and the good and bad of it and how some of our behavior is just a sour thing to bear for those around us made for a very interesting family dinner converstion. When I asked what I did that just really got their goats...well, they didn't hold back. Funny, that I have forgotten what they said about me.
We have these things with our friends and our loves, these things we have to overlook, get past, endure or...maybe even suffer. One of my friends forwards me emails and never says anything personal. I just hit delete. What if we had personality delete buttons that could just delete detestable behavior? In others, of course. ha. haha. Before my oldest daughter was engaged, I took her to see "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." Hmmmm. Does this say anything about us culturally that this is the longest running off-Broadway musical?
Clarissa Pinkola Estes told a story in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, about a woman who tried to make her true love perfect. Her lover died and in completely embracing the rotting corpse he comes to life from a love that loves even the very worst. It is a good fable about moving beyond infatuation to unconditional love. The idea of love, warts and all. Warty.
Even still, there are those warty things that really really push my buttons. I can't stand it when...
Actually, what really peeves many people, is when private personal matters don't seem to stay that way. A gentleman would not publicly discuss those things he did not like about his wife or children, I was taught it wasn't proper. However, Jerry Springer has made a fortune on his show , having family members publicly disclose personal things.I don't watch though.
Posted by: anthony | April 24, 2007 at 06:30 AM
I need to read that book. In my first marriage, I was such a fool. In fact, I still catch myself not only trying to make myself perfect, but those around me. (The book that helped change me in this area is Madeleine L'Engle's The Love Letters. Are you familiar with it?) I'm looking forward to picking up the one of which you speak; this is the second time I've seen you refer to it, so it must be good.
Posted by: Bellezza | April 24, 2007 at 07:56 PM
No, I've not read that book. Thanks for the idea. I have a stack to read now... but i'll put that on my list.
Posted by: MotherPie | April 25, 2007 at 08:44 AM
Okay, Mother Pie, I just went over to Amazon (via your wonderful link and my sound credit) and purchased Women Who Run With The Wolves. I absolutely cannot wait for it to arrive; you have completely captured my interest, which was sparked into further ignition by Amazon. I'll do a post on it as soon as it comes and I've read it. Thanks so much for making me aware of it.
Posted by: Bellezza | April 25, 2007 at 03:14 PM