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September 07, 2007


I can identify with the feelings of Mother Theresa and questioning her faith. I worked for 21 years at a cancer treatment center. I watched countless patients who prayed to be watch their children grow up...young mothers...boys in college...people who had done so much good...exemplary people. Only to die a long, painful death. I saw no good coming out of their death. I started to question whether praying was worth it, if they were going to die anyway. If it was part of some horrible, predestined plan, or it was...hate this phrase...God's will...then people all over the country praying for them to get well was just an exercise in futility. So I got close to these patients, and fought with them, and loved them, and watched them die. After 21 years, I switched to ER nursing. I had lost my perspective. I thought every ache and pain was cancer. I would ask, "where is God in all of this?" Yes, their families went on...somehow. Their spouses remarried...but I was haunted by the inequity of it all. So, it is easy to lose your way, your focus, or to question when you are mired in so much suffering and senseless loss. Mother Theresa would have to have been numb not to question in the midst of all she saw. She, nevertheless, pressed on. I couldn't be that selfless...thank God others can.

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