Do hand-written thank-you notes matter anymore? On personalized, monogrammed Crane stationery? Sent promptly?
The postal service is losing money. If we all sent thank-you notes we might help it stay afloat.
When my oldest daughter was married it was so confusing; we were moving from NYC, we had a destination wedding, she was finishing grad school and moving cross-country to a new city. Our addresses were shifting all around. She had thank-you notes written, addressed and stamped, that got lost in the melee buried in a satchel with her wedding shoes. We had gifts that arrived without an identifying card or tag. She had been taught to write thank-you's immediately. She knew the rules.
Since then, all I want to know when I send a gift is whether it arrived. An email is sufficient and a few sentences of appreciation are just fine. I'm more worried if a gift gets there than I am about the proper etiquette of things, especially since we've lived in Santa Fe, NM, where the mail and other delivery can make me think we live in the Third World. Really, just tell me: did you get it? did you like it?
Long ago I quit giving gifts to some people after I never had a word of appreciation, written or otherwise. That proper thank-you was a big deal. Sometimes gifts just aren't wanted and -- why waste time with the process? But etiquette is fluid and a thank-you should be done by the receiver of any gift. I just think email is fine, even a text, or even in person. What is required is that a special effort must be made by the receiver. I still send proper notes on fine stationery to some people (which include all of the people who can still tell an engraved invitation from a printed one).
Manners and customs are fluid while courtesy and thoughtfulness are the benchmarks of etiquette. I'd much rather get a warm, heartfelt email promptly or a personal face-to-face thank-you than a perfunctory written note that says the most minimal thanks. I can't stand not knowing if my gift ever got to the receiver.
I hear you. I must say your children were always the best about "thank you's". At the ripe, old age of 9!, your son wrote a thank you note for a crazy balancing thing I got him. The note was so well written, I shared it with co-workers! He said the gift was "challenging, yet fun"! At 9! I loved it!
In another vein, I worry that all letter writing, in one's personal "hand", will cease to be. It used to be important that one knew how to write a good letter. I love to write. A patient remarked the other night at work, "your penmanship is pretty". That's gone. Most people's signature is unreadable, in our hurry up, harried society. One of my favorite things in a clean, new, yellow lined legal pad and an excellent writing implement! In our economic times, I lose a pen every night at work and only use the Bic pens provided by my hospital. ?Donde esta mi pluma? But, back to the topic, I love to write, with a pen and paper, a letter, and look at the letter all written afterwards. I love the act of writing...both physically and creatively. A joy long lost, I fear!
Posted by: carron e. | February 02, 2009 at 10:23 AM
p.s. BTW...We're in a recession, mi hermana, and Crane stationary costs $400! Ay caramba!
Posted by: carron e. | February 02, 2009 at 10:25 AM
I think thank you notes are a case of no apparent interest today. I'm a dinosaur. I sometimes still write them depending on the occasion. Or I send an email. I don't, however, remember the last time I received one.
Posted by: Kay Dennison | February 02, 2009 at 08:15 PM
My son in law always sends a thank you for birthday or Christmas gifts. It's nice.
Posted by: allison | February 03, 2009 at 10:10 AM
We're from the South. If we don't write thank you notes, our grandmothers will arise up from their graves and shake bony fingers at us and ask if we were born in a barn. Now, we certainly never had any fine stationery in our family, but the point was that it needed to be handwritten.
But I agree with you, I don't mind not getting a handwritten note, as long as I know they got it. I'm still waiting to hear from a couple about a wedding gift I sent. In August. Given that I chose from their registry, it certainly wasn't something they didn't want.
Posted by: Janet | February 06, 2009 at 03:40 PM